The Blessing of Sibling Rivalry
Sibling rivalry can exist at any age. Ahem. At first it appears to simply be misunderstanding or a reluctance to share but then evolves into accusations and comparison in the later years.
To be honest, the past few weeks have been rough in my home. Sure, there are plenty of sweet moments, fun memories, and satisfying meals shared as a family, but my children have found more opportunities to disagree rather than comply of late.
Someone didn’t help put away dishes as much as the other. (Comparison)
Someone is tired of sharing a room with the other. (Self-serving interests)
Someone said the other took the exact pieces needed to build their desired creation. (Accusations)
Lest any of us feel like we have finally arrived in a smooth season of parenthood, there will always be sibling rivalry.
So how can I mention rivalry and blessing in the same sentence?
As I’ve searched for wisdom on how to parent through my own frustration at the constant conflict that ensues around me, God has reminded me of one truth that has allowed my heart to persevere rather than simply escape.
In the beginning, as seen in Genesis 1, God created all things and he declared them good. The day and night? Good. The land and water? Good. The animals of the air and plants on the ground? Good. Then he created man and he allowed man to rule over the other creation. This is introducing the concept of stewardship, and God declared it, very good.
Do you know the only thing God created that He said was “not good”? It was this concept of man being alone. If you have any background in the church, we most always hear this verse associated with marriage, but I would argue it applies to family and community as well.
During our morning time recently, the kids and I have discussed God’s intention behind creation. Genesis 1 is explicit in explaining the sequence of creation, but it has been fascinating to dive deeper with my children behind why they think it matters for us today. We talked through the following three reasons:
We learn more of His character than we otherwise would know.
“For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.” Romans 1: 19-20
We see His faithfulness with every sunrise and sunset. We see His providential will on display with each season and constellation that never changes order or pattern. We see His heart for His children to grow up into our Image Bearer through our relationships. We see His order, His creativity, and His sustaining provision.
2. Paying attention to creation keeps us humble.
“When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?” Psalm 8:
This is critical because we realize He is God and we are not. There will be countless situations that we cannot understand. Countless questions that we cannot answer. Countless heartaches that we cannot fix. In these moments, we can look up and look out at God’s creation and remember He cares for us. He is God and we are not.
3. It invites us into a posture of worship at all times.
“The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.” Psalm 19:1
It takes our eyes off of ourselves and gives all glory to the Creator of all things. Where we fix our eyes matters, because our hearts and our feet follow. The purpose of all of creation is to reflect the Creator and to worship.
“So then, why do you think God saw it good for you to be apart of a family?” I asked one morning immediately following the dishwasher scene mentioned above. “God loves us too much to allow our hearts to always pursue personal comfort and personal preference,” I stated to a table full of blank stares.
Each child sitting silent pondering that thought.
“As much as you all press each other’s buttons or grow frustrated with one another, God calls these relationships good for you. Why do you think it’s good even when it may not feel good?” I pressed in a little more.
“Because we could just do what we wanted to do at any given time and we wouldn’t know how to love others well”, one child replied confidently.
“Exactly, so do you think there’s a way to rejoice even in the conflict?” I asked.
I observed four affirmative head nods and we dismissed from the family huddle to continue along with our day.
Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”
Not only limited to the role of motherhood, I’ve been increasingly mindful of the tension that exists within other relationships. I easily grow complacent and comfortable without the constant sharpening that results from living life alongside others, yielding my preference to others, and seeking out understanding from others. As painful as it can be, my life is better for the battles of flesh and spirit that take place within the context of relationships on a daily basis.
The family was intended to be the exact design for us to learn how to love God and love others. With every incident of sibling rivalry, moment of frustration, or occurrence of surrender to personal preferences, remember that is the exact environment God knew we needed in order to learn more about Him and rely on Him more.
Rejoice, friends. Walk out and observe creation. Lean into the tension in your life. Then rejoice that it is an integral part of the plan to make you more like your Creator. For that, we can be thankful.