Three Questions To Ponder During Unimaginable Loss
I almost didn’t swipe right.
I almost didn’t answer the call from my mom that warned me to sit down first.
“He’s gone,” she said through a tearful whisper.
Immediately as if rebelling against the current reality, I stood up. Nothing in me felt like sitting. In fact, I wanted to be anywhere other than where I was when I received the heartbreaking news about my cousin, so I stood and stared as my mind tried to catch up with what my ears were hearing.
I was desperate to understand why, when, and where, but nothing made sense. It was unclear if my confusion was because I couldn’t believe it or simply that I didn’t want to believe it.
As I allowed my heart to trace the impact of his life through our family tree, his community, his businesses, and his friends, the ache grew. When you go through sudden change of any kind, there’s no real going back to the before is there?
In the hours to follow, there were no spiritual platitudes or verses that could immediately numb the mind-blowing pain of a life taken too early, but I knew that I needed to be reminded of a God whose ways are different than mine. Plus, I needed to be distracted from my own swirling thoughts.
So I picked up Holier Than Thou by Jackie Hill Perry, and read searching for something I couldn’t articulate. Ironically, (or not) this book I started several months back was turned to the exact section I needed that very day and helped me process through three critical questions.
Perhaps in my processing you, too, can find healing or a way forward through your own grief or disappointment.
How can life go on after death?
Unfortunately, the most recent scenario is not the only death I’ve witnessed. There have been deaths to dreams, deaths to marriages, deaths of children unborn, even deaths to friendships. Each time, there is the question of how to continue on without. What is life if it can’t be lived in the same way we have always known?
The answer to this question for me is uncovered in Matthew 4:4 as Jesus, himself, reminds us that “man doesn’t live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of God.”
Even in the moments Jesus was most tempted to curse God or doubt His goodness, He reminds us that our ability to live a full life is not dependent upon anything on earth: not bread, not friends, not health, not a secure bank account, not a faithful spouse, nothing else but Himself.
He alone gives life. He alone sustains life. He alone embodies the fullness of life.
May we remember when someone, something, or some lifestyle ceases to exist in its same form, our life does not have to cease in equal measure. As impossible as it feels, we can continue forward living upon the only nourishment that promises to sustain us in the deepest of disappointment and darkest of shadows.
God’s word remains a light for our path, a solid foundation for our feet, and a steady reminder that we need not fear what is to come.
whose word will i believe?
Each day we have the choice of who to believe.
In the midst of pain, the responsibility is ours to choose whose words we will trust.
Jackie Hill Perry, in her book, acknowledges that “Eve’s misplaced faith led her to believe the word of the serpent.” As I read those words, they became a flag of caution for me. I began to wrestle with whose word I am tempted to believe in moments of deep suffering and pain: the words of a finite world or the words of my transcendent Creator?
Is it the Instagram ‘influencer’ or best-selling author who boldly claims that I deserve better? Is it the doctor who can only say, “I’m sorry, it’s not fair,” because medical degrees are incapable of giving answers that satisfy a grieving heart? Or is it the very Word, Jesus himself, who will be my peace?
“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 ESV)
Each of us has to answer this question for ourselves, but know that how you answer will determine the path you walk forward on to find healing in your grief.
For me, I will rely upon the words of Jesus when He says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd.” John 10:10-11
Can I still worship even if I never know why?
“If we are brave enough to actually believe that God is who He says He is, we are left with once choice: worship.” (Holier Than Thou, p.51)
I read this quote and my exhale deepened as my shoulders relaxed. Despite how I much I hurt, will worship be my response?
The Psalms are filled with emotions of anger, disappointment, aching, repentance, and joy alike. Each passage models for us how to live authentically, wrestling through each and every situation, yet still allowing a posture of worship to bracket our pain toward a worthy God.
Worship may be the catalyst for the very healing we long for in moments of deep grief because it represents a posture of surrender. Surrendering to God’s timing, God’s will, and trusting God’s character in all things.
So when suffering arrives uninvited, when the voice of our feelings rings louder, or when the temptation of the enemy rings truer tempting us to doubt the inherent goodness of God, even still, we can take Him at his Word.
“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.”
I Peter 5:7 ESV