Grow in Confidence
Congratulations! You are a parent. I mean that in all seriousness. If you are visiting this page, then you remember how helpless, equally filled with joy and terror, you felt walking out of a court room or a hospital room realizing the title of parent is officially yours.
We know it is an honor and privilege. We can see that precious face staring at us and the truth resonates that this child will now look to you as a guide, in addition to the source of their next meal. Gulp. You have prayed your way through an emotional adoption process or a 10 month pregnancy, but the question remains, “Now what?”
I remember the “now what” question haunting me as I stepped out of Lenox Hill Hospital on the Upper East Side of Manhattan with my first baby girl in 2007. The hospital made it seem so simple upon release, but the weight sunk deep and the insecurities began forming right away. Then came the sinking feeling the day my mom left and I looked at the endless day ahead feeling lost and alone.
Not one of us feels equipped at the beginning (or in the years to come, if we are being honest). No one knows ahead of time how to walk through the upcoming seasons of sleepless nights, unexpected sickness, potty training, pre-teen hormones, teenage independence, letting go and launching in the college years. Even as a veteran mom, with each new baby those same stages look completely different.
I am a mom to four kids who are about to turn 13, 10, 8, and 5.
Every pregnancy is different, every potty-training experience is different, every personality is different. While I can speak to years I have lived, I recognize humbly there is a long way to go before understanding the seasons ahead. I imagine even the parents who have walked through more seasons than I are still trying to understand them, and are looking at unfamiliar stages ahead.
Each year presents new territory for us to navigate. So…
How can we grow in confidence in the season we are in and for the journey ahead?
Value your role, as is.
The pressure to “have it all” continues to dominate our motivations and desires for more.
With every Instagram story, work from home business opportunities, Facebook picture of a happy family, glamorous travel, seasonally appropriate wardrobe, or renovated house, we have to be honest with what it communicates to our hearts. There must be some way we can have it all.
If we have a fabulous career, then how can I add a spouse or a couple kids to my picture? If I have the family, then how can we afford to travel and enjoy new experiences? If we are traveling, then how can I look fabulous doing it? You see the cycle? No magazine feature or platform can define your value as a mom or dad.
No amount of income can measure your investment into the hearts under your roof day in and day out.
Do you believe that or do you still believe that you need to have it all?
Another way to value your role is to not buy into the notion that your role as mom or dad can be easily substituted. Use a sitter, allow family and friends to help, know that is a beautiful gift of provision, but never mistake that for substituting your role in your child’s life. Remember, your children are being shaped by the voices and influences they are around each day. Nannies, peers, video games, as great as each one can be in moderation, are not equipped to parent your children the way you are to shape their hearts.
God made you the parent for this child, not someone else, and He promises to be your ever-present help.
Trust the process.
Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint.
It is a journey, not a destination.
Many times along the way you will be tempted to give up because you aren’t seeing the fruit you desire after a day, a month, or even years. The process of training, showing up, being present, patiently waiting, disciplining, processing through decisions and consequences is just that; it is a process.
Nothing valuable is done overnight.
As a parent, it means showing up even when no one is there to clap for you, or you feel like opposition is around every corner. Keep showing up and in time you will reap that harvest, if you do not give up.
Focus on the process not only the fruit and be encouraged to press on.
Find your village.
Do not believe the lie that you can do this parenting thing alone. Not one person I know can care for their children day in and day out without help. Believing in self-sufficiency here will leave you exhausted, joyless and ineffective.
For me, my village started out as our church body because I was 1400 miles away from my own blood relatives. It was a beautiful journey alongside those who are even still intimately invested in our children’s lives. I feel incredibly grateful that I have several women I can call upon to offer a word of wisdom, a word of encouragement and a word of instruction to me or to my children.
In the teenage years, our children begin to listen to other voices and may begin to tune us out a little more with each passing day. I know that my village needs to be filled with others I can entrust our children to for guidance and a listening ear.
Embrace the change.
Know now, change happens in every single season. It didn’t take kids to teach me (or you) that, but it can easily be forgotten. The days of sleepless nights and diapers is quickly exchanged for school supplies and sports activities.
How you invest in the little years will pay dividends in the older years. Not one year looks like the next. You will not be the same parent, as God graciously uses each season to grow and stretch you, develop endurance, and provide a different vision for your family.
Embrace it and roll with it.
Know it’s worth it.
You may ask, how do I know? I know because parenting is primarily about stewardship. We will stand accountable to how we steward the time, our words and our investment with our children in the same way that we will answer to the stewardship of other resources. If you have children, they are are a gift from God and how we view that gift matters. Our view is not the here and now. In Christ, our view is on eternity.
It may sound trite but it is no less true. In the moments when you feel alone and that no one sees your day to day investment of washing dishes, cooking another meal, doing another load of laundry, drawing another bath, engaging in another late-night conversation, God still sees you. When you believe that He sees you in the moments that no one else does, you can also say with confidence it is worth it.
The journey of parenting is about sanctifying our self-seeking hearts, rescuing us from living a life that centers on ourselves, and allowing God to use the challenging seasons ahead to shape us and mold us for His glory. It is also about discipling and training the hearts of our children to love God and his world.
Yes, It is a daily surrender.
Yes, it is a daily walking out in faith.
Yes, it is a daily showing up for those in your home.
Yes, it is worth it.
You can be confident, because just as God has provided a way for you to be a parent, He will equip you with all that you need for the journey. Him.
Now, press on and know you aren’t alone.