10 Strategies to Connect With Your Child Through the Art of Conversation

As parents who desire connection with our children at a deeper level, it’s helpful to remember that there are layers to a conversation, much like water. We have a choice: slowly wade into the shallow or dive headfirst into the deep. Since not all circumstances allow for diving into the deep, here are ten strategies to better connect with your child and foster the art of conversation.

 
 

  1. Prepare ahead of time.

Not all conversations are predictable, but many times, we can cultivate a culture of conversation in the rhythms of our days. Preparing ahead of time to engage when the moment arises will allow for intention and limit awkwardness. Considering your day, what’s the best time to connect with this child? Is it bedtime? Is it in the car? Is it over dinner? Think and prepare now so that you can be looking for a moment to engage rather than regret a missed opportunity.

2. Observe your surroundings.

You know your child. In what surroundings does your child tend to share more? Whether you have something to share or simply want to check in, assess if the surroundings are appropriate for the conversation or if another time might be better. Who is around? Is it just the two of you, or will others prohibit discussion? Believe it or not, our surroundings can make or break a meaningful conversation, so pay attention to what is around you.

3. Focus on them first.

Remember, the conversation is not about you. Whether talking to our children or a friend, not everything must be about us. Feel free to share a personal story or talk about the things you enjoy, but be sure to ask questions about their topics of interest. Ask them how their day was first. Regardless of age, our children know when we are engaged in a discussion for their good or ours. A well-constructed conversation is always mutually beneficial.

4. Ask open-ended questions.

In order to stimulate rich conversation, the best strategy is to avoid simple yes and no questions. Instead of asking, did you have a good day? Try asking, what was something that made you smile today? The key is to stay curious. Be a student of your child and pray for a genuine desire to learn who they are and how they think. Yes or no questions tend to lead to short answers that may not accurately reflect the heart of our child, so as you desire to go from the shallow end to the deeper end, open-ended questions can lead you there.

5. Learn to listen.

I’ve heard it said we can only love as well as well as we listen, so practice asking a question and not interrupting. Try empathizing to understand where they are coming from without sharing your opinion or starting to lecture. The most effective way to listen well is to listen with your eyes and body language. Even in your response, you can demonstrate listening by commenting on something they just shared. If our children don’t feel like they are being heard, they will be less likely to speak.

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