A Greater Privilege

My grandmother was raised in Texas with her brothers and black “Mammy”. She would tell me fond stories of this remarkable woman; days when as a young girl in need of someone to comfort her, she would run to her Mammy who lived in a one-room cabin behind their house, and share the happenings of her day with tear-filled eyes. While there are many gaps in my memory, and my grandmother has left us, what I do remember is that Mammy cared selflessly for the family. In fact, my grandmother mentioned on more than one occasion that she felt more connected to Mammy than her own mother.

Mammy was loved deeply by my grandmother as made evident by the tales and traditions my grandmother chose to pass down to her children and to us, her grandchildren.

The passing down of stories creates legacy but it also creates tradition.

From Mammy we received countless recipes that are treasured in our family. In fact, I have a special book of them: sweet iced tea, pumpkin cake, homemade ice cream and chicken and dumplings to name a few. Just typing those words leaves my mouth watering with a hankering to go make something this very minute. Every word mentioned in this piece of legacy literature pointed to her unmatched cooking abilities passed down from her own family.

Though the stories were always in an endearing tone, I began as a young girl to have a picture painted for me of the difference between us. Mammy was the help. In fact, my dad, though not born at the time, always heard her referred to as the “N-word” Mammy. As he hesitantly explains this over the phone to me, I cringe shamefully.

That term was not used in my home growing up and in reality, my parents had deep relationships with people of all colors and backgrounds. For that I am grateful. Watching the way my parents lived and welcomed everyone into our home spoke volumes to me and revealed the posture of their hearts, more than anything they said. Their perspective and inclusiveness has positively shaped my worldview.

Additionally, I personally have dear friends of various color from diverse geographical regions, varied religious backgrounds and socioeconomic levels. However, it seems imperative for me to dig deep into these stories from my family, face them head on and fight against the tradition of separation and oppression that has existed for centuries.

Difference yes, inferiority no.

Recognizing My privilege.

You may have heard me mention that I have the privilege of being married to a wonderful, loving husband for over 16 years and of being mom to four beautiful, bright children. I have had the privilege of traveling overseas and living in one of the most fascinating cities in the world for over a decade. I have had the privilege of a loving and supportive extended family and the privilege of calling many friend. I, however, will be the first to admit that I have not considered how my skin color gives me privilege.

Something you have always known is not always obvious to you without someone else graciously pointing it out.

After recent events, the phrase “white privilege” is one I have had to sit with, to own, to wrestle with, to stare in the face and acknowledge even though it makes me uncomfortable.

Privilege is defined as a right, immunity, or benefit enjoyed only by a person beyond the advantages of most.

In my 41 years of life, I did not realize how much privilege ran through my experiences.

I have had the privilege of having my basic needs met. I have had the privilege of feeling safe. I have had the privilege of opportunity.

As I begin to face the injustices around me, I must first acknowledge my own privilege. I am thankful for the pause to stop and take inventory of the messages that have been explicitly or passively delivered to me over my character-shaping, bone-growing years. Acknowledgement is first but what comes next is critical.

Those messages must stop with me and need to inform my response of grace, empathy and love.

living the greater privilege.

What is the proper response?

I first want to mention that no human should feel shame or guilt for being the color God designed them to be, including me. As far as I know, not one of us was given the choice. With any gift we are given, there follows an expectation of stewardship.

How we use our privilege will matter more than the privilege itself.

I came across a section of scripture in Nehemiah and it has become a relevant and worthy guide, as I prayerfully and humbly seek to respond in love, create an atmosphere of inclusion and fight for justice.

For some context, Israel was conquered by Babylon in 586 B.C., destroying Jerusalem and forcing the Jewish people to live in exile, away from their home. When Persia conquered Babylon around 539 B.C., the Jews were allowed to return and rebuild their city and the (which took 20 years!). Nehemiah lived during 420-444 B.C. after the temple had been rebuilt, and it was during this time that he was given permission to rebuild the destroyed city walls. Nehemiah was a respected leader who began to recognize oppression in and among his own people.

His first response when he learned that the nobles and officials in the community were oppressing their very own, was anger. Then the passage says he took counsel with himself, but he didn’t stop there. In Nehemiah 5:8, it says he “brought charges against the nobles and the officials.”

Anger was understandable, but he did not lash out on others, destroy property or continue to tear others down. Instead he immediately took counsel with himself. He searched his own heart first. He prayed. Then, he acted.

Do you know how the officials responded to Nehemiah? They were silent, and couldn’t find a word to say.

As the passage continues, Nehemiah requests that they abandon their destructive patterns of thought and oppressive ways and seek restoration.

Restoration comes after forgiveness to make things right. Restoration is restoring something back to it’s original design or intent. If it’s a relationship and there has been a violation of trust, it may not be able to function in the same way, but restoration begins the healing process towards wholeness.

Luke 12:48 says, “Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required …”

We all have the greater privilege of bridging the waters of brokenness spilling out in all directions: politically, religiously, racially.

In Luke 12, right after Jesus tells the disciples to not be anxious about their life, what they will eat or drink, he says,

“Instead, seek His kingdom, and these things will be added to you.” Luke 12:31 ESV

In verse 32, Jesus reminds us to not fear. That our Heavenly Father’s “good pleasure” is to give you the kingdom. Therefore, we can leverage our lives, our money, our time and our energy on helping those who are oppressed, hurting, need comfort, love and help. For where we use our gifts, there our hearts will be also.

If we use our gifts, our time, our privilege to restore and redeem brokenness with the love God intended, our hearts will be united with our brothers and sisters of every color and from every background. Healing will take place. Love will prevail.

We can do this with His help. We can do this by listening well. We can do this by sharing our own stories and owning our own responsibility.

As Mammy’s recipes were being recorded, my distant relatives tried to get her to write them down, but she couldn’t tell them specifics because she cooked by “sight”. She would say, “just look at it”. The cookbook shares, “She didn’t know that without her expertise, we didn’t “see” what she “saw”.

If you are someone born with ‘white privilege’, may I encourage you to view your privilege now as a greater privilege?

If you are someone who has been hurt, made to feel inadequate or less than because of ‘white privilege’, may I encourage you to share your personal story so that we can learn from you and come alongside of you in a real and tangible way?

I am ready to listen more intently.

I am ready to live differently.

I am ready to love fully.